Thursday, 31 December 2009

2009 in Music by SPEECHgirl!

Every year has its own flavour, its own style, its own highs, its own lows! I mean, this is the year that saw us lose so many interesting names in showbiz. How do you measure which loss was the hardest? How do you quantify losing Patrick Swayze for example? How many tears do you shed for Brittany Murphy? What do you do to effectively mourn Farah Fawcett? And where do you start to say goodbye to Michael Jackson?

And, is it me, or is the way we absorb and appreciate music, changing? I personally blame it on the internet, technology, reality shows, and the general fast pace the world is now moving at! I mean, think about it, with information at our fingertips, reality shows churning out talented and non-talented contestants, and with technology making it easier for everything to b done, and the internet making it easy to distribute said material, isn’t it more difficult to build a more consistent, and more fanatical fan base?
One day we are listening to Kid Cudi, then its Drake, then its, Jason, then...
And here in Nigeria, just as we are getting used to J Martins, there is Jah Bless, Jay won, Ja Mix...
I therefore think, for you to be hold the audience’s attention the way music is going, you must be very talented or very talentless, branded, distributed, and prayerful!!!

Seriously though!
Music enjoyed a lot of quality in 2009! SO many artistes struggled to be heard. See, in showbiz, you have to be an extreme. For movies, be beautiful or ugly, but not in-between. And in music, be really good or really bad. Anything else, anything average, gets you tossed! When they were good, they were really good! But when they sucked... or my!
Another plus for music this year was that it became more about the actual talent and maybe some packaging, and not the looks. Something music had suffered from in the past. This was the year of the short black boys, the plump fashionistas (Beth Ditto anybody?), and the little face that didn’t matter (SuBo!)
And in Nigeria, while Naija Pop became more entrenched (thanks to K Solo and Terry G), more genres were explored! We actually gave people like Ibiyemi, Nikki Laoye and more, a fighting chance. And boy did they fight!

So, when all is said and done (and more is said than done), which artistes, producers and songs caught our attention in 2009? And which artistes are on the fringe and should be anticipated in the year to come?
We bring you 5ve of the best ladies and gentlemen! Enjoy!

SPEECHgirl’s Artistes of 2009.
- Wande Coal
We may not have official sales figures yet, but it would be hard to contest that Wande Coal dropped one of the biggest and best selling albums of 2009 in Nigeria. And it was not just that he dropped the album and people loved and bought it, it was also that, it really was a good album! You could say it was a BUMPER package, that made you want to SOPE TIE and go BANANAS, while asking, SHEY NA LIKE DIS WE GO DEY DEY? Abeg o! Its not a TABOO to like an album o!

Might not love all the songs equally, but doubt there is one song on that album i didn’t enjoy

If you were to move on from the album itself, there was also, all those performances, and appreances! Every show had to have Wande on its flier, and the biggest shows had him performing!
And then there were the interviews on television, radio (not Top Radio yet sadly), Magazines and Newspapers!

Wande Coal deserves a yes boss this year mehn!


- M.I
His album was released in December 2008, but it might as well have been released this year because the impact was felt all year round!
With ‘SAFE’, M.I secured himself generous air play, and then continued to keep it with ‘Teaser’, ‘Area’, ‘Anoti’, ‘Fast Money Fast Cars’, ‘Money’ and ‘Jehovah’. By the way, ‘Jehovah is on that very short list of songs for and about God that do not sound like tokens.

As if the album itself was not enough, M.I had so many collabos this year, that it was sometimes impossible to listen to some songs without M.I speaking, rapping, singing, or producing!
Omo Naija, Love, Know, Heaven Please, Rock Me, Ile, Sitting on the Rooftop, Must Be....
These were just some of the song titles that had M.I on them!

Performance wise, M.I was a firm favourite. And the good thing about M.I was that you could see him on big stages like the Arthur Guiness concert, and then on smaller more intimate stages, like at Swe (HipHop Love) and more.

M.I hosted one or two shows, including Henessy Artistry and Dynamix All Youth Awards, and was a big winner at award shows himself! From mainstream awards, to niche ones, he was a fixture on the nominations list, winning a few.

- Kel
If there is one advantage Kel has over her peers, it is that she is simply, one of the hardest working females in the music industry.
I dare you to dispute that!

Before the album dropped, Kel had been this not yet well known artiste, rapping her way to the limelight. Then there was THAT video, for THAT song...
Does one hit single make a career? Vanilla Ice would probably say no. I daresay if Kel had sat on her sexy behind, and rested on her oars, she probably would have been just another artiste!
But no o!
She performed!
Featured on shows like Advance Warning.
Performed some more
Did collabos
And performed.
And in 2009, she took that that up a few notches

With performances at shows like MTV ZAIN Road to MAMA’s concert, nominations for awards like Hip Hop World and MAMA’s (plus a surprise nomination as upcoming actress for Best of Nollywood Awards), videos for some singles like ‘Too Fine’, interviews on radio, television and print, appearances at events and television shows like ‘Celebrity Takes Two’, and a well-received album, Kel was everywhere, and i daresay, not in that annoying ‘but what does she do’ way.

Female artistes in Nigeria might still have to unfairly depend on being tokens, also-rans and mentions, but Kel is playing right up there with the big boys!


- Omawumi
Another hardworking person who combines grit with a lot of talent!
We first saw Omawumi on a reality show where she sang and performed her heart out, and she became a cult favourite. But could she translate that into more?
I think the answer to that is a resounding YES!

Her album might only have come out towards the end of the year, but we saw and heard her all year long!

The video for ‘In The Music’ kept her single on air consistently, and we got introduced to the other singles one show at a time. I remember watching her at Thank God its Thursday and seeing people give a nod of approval. Diva they said, but in a respectful way, with a lot of awe and love.
Omawumi won a car at the Hip Hop World awards, for a category reserved for artistes without albums but with a presence. And that’s saying something!
She also had interviews and appearances locked down, with her humour and down to earth nature winning her more hearts per day!
By the time the second video (for TODAY NA TODAY) and the album came out, she had well and truly secured her place in our hearts, and was now confirming why!

- Rooftop M.C’s
One is calm, the other is... well the other is... well, you see.
One is now a proud dad, the other is... well, not? Yet?
One stands on stage and performs there, while the other... well.. the other.. you see... Really? You SEE him? Cos he is on the ceiling somewhere o!

Speak with the ROOFTOP M.C’s and you will never ask how they manage so well when on the surface, they are so different. It becomes clear there is a lot of mutual respect and understanding, plus just two sides of madness... sorry, creativity!

In a country where people put Gospel as a genre of music as opposed to a message, and where said Gospel then takes a back seat to everything else, Rooftop M.Cs is one gospel group that has gone mainstream.

Their songs interviews, nominations, awards and videos are not saved for only Sunday mornings or gospel categories, and they can be seen performing (swinging from speaker to speaker) at some of the mainstream shows.

What makes this even more interesting is that their album hasn’t even been released yet!
We wait with bated breath to see what 2010 will bring!!!

SPEEChgirl’s Producers of 2009.
- Don Jazzy (again?!)
- Terry G
- J Martins
- K Solo
- Knighthouse/Cobhams/Rhycthus Era/Suspect/Dr Frabz

SPEEChgirl’s Most Loved Songs of 2009.
- Practically every song on Wande Coal’s album
Honestly!
I mean, how am i meant to choose between BUMPER TO BUMPER, TABOO, SOPE TIE, YOU BAD, SHEY NA LIKE THIS, WHO BORN THE MAGA, KISS YOUR HANDS... Gerrit?
See?!

- Strong Thing
Thank you Mr. W for showing how a song is written. Thank you Mr. Capable for showing you are not only a capable singer, but a very capable writer. Thank you Mr. W for having a name that rhymes with ‘trouble you’.

- Igboro ti Daru
Klever J combines the Naija Pop sound, with a message about dancing, singing, partying, letting go and not caring!

- The Finest
Knighthouse will have a fantastic mixed tape... i am telling you in advance. The finest features Sauce Kid (you should follow him on twitter for his total randomness), Teeto (aka, please perform with your teeshirt off!), Mo Cheddah (hip Hop Princess/The voice that rocked the world) and has a beyond catchy hook! Beri jo!

- Yori Yori
My guys, Bracket, somehow found a song that is.. a song! When a song can be played at weddings, on radio, at clubs, and in a car, then it is a song. And if this song doesn’t win awards next year, i’ll start an awards show!




SPEECHgirl’s Artistes to Listen Out for In 2010
- Timi Dakolo
Now that the shackles of winning a reality show are no longer on his feet, Timi Dakolo is ready to deliver!
Timi will make you cry when he sings ‘Cry’, will make you beg when ‘Heaven Please’ comes on air, and help you fall in love with ‘Everytime / I love you’.

The thing i heart about Timi, is the simple simple fact that he does not need half-clad dancers, a choreography, an amplifier.... Timi’s voice was created on a special day i swear!

I can’t wait for that album, and to see him at more shows!

- Knighthouse
Some know them as a production outfit, or as the winners of TEAM OF THE YEAR Future Awards 2008. Others know them as the producers of 2010’s must-have album!
Why wouldn’t you want an album that has Sauce Kid, Teeto, eL Dee, Rooftop M.C’s, Mo Cheddah, M.I, Kel, Terry tha Rapman, Ill Bliss, Ayeesha, Othello... with skits by everyone, including some girl with 5ve or so personas?
‘Purple’! ‘Hate’! ‘The Finest’! ‘We are Number One’! ‘Ijinle Pam Pam’!
Need i say more?
REALLY???





- Bez Idakula
I hate comparisms, and the writers and presenters and people that compare one artiste with the other.
So i hate myself in advance for saying Nigeria has a John Mayer, and the male artistes now have their own asa!
O how annoying that i did that.
Forgive me, i just needed to be able to explain the genius that is Bez.

Listen out for ‘Zuchiya Daya’ and ‘Stop Pretending’ on radio stations, but look out for him at the next show... and especially at Taruwa!


- E.M.E
If banky stops singing, he can sit in his office and count his money for one big gift that makes you money is being a talent spotter!
Banky W, Osagie Osarenkhoe and Segun Demuren spot talent, and grab it!
So please, listen out for S.K.A.L.E.S and Whiz Kid, and of course, the first E.M.E signed artiste- Banky W!

- CON.tra.diction
Look, we s.h.a.r.e the same body! If i didn’t put her name on this list, i would have to pay!
On the real though, Miss CON.tra.diction has been rising, falling, rising, stumbling, rising and falling for a while now, but it now seems she is ready to stand again! Or so she says in her new single, ‘DREAMS’.
Catch her at a venue near you in 2010!

SPEECHgirl Special Mentions
Thank you 2009 for the music! O the music rocked! Everyone from Darey to Terry G brought their A Game, however they interpreted it! Loved the drama (Kelly Hansome .v. Mo Hits, AY.Com .v. Terry G, Timaya .v. well, Timaya, etc), loved that when the music was good it was good, and when it was bad, well, it was...
Here is to 2010!

Thursday, 24 December 2009

Merry Christmas everyone
It feels though, that that which the Grinch cdnt do, the economy and heartbreak have done!

Saturday, 19 December 2009

Missing you.

I saw you with her,
Walking down the street
Stealing kisses and laughing.
You looked happy,
And am sad.
Sad at what i lost.
I took you for granted.
Did not understand how much you loved me,
Until i lost you to another.
I hope she loves you the way you deserve.
I hope she treats you good.
I miss you.
I saw you with her
And am still crying.

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Back i am! And counting!

Its hard to explain why i have not been writing
Lets just say the universe has not been aligning properly for me to write
Yes o! I may not believe in chi (qi) and such, but i do know sometimes, you just need to be at peace to write
It doesnt mean you have to be happy, it just means you have to be at peace
It doesnt mean you have to be free, it just means you have to be at peace
And in my case, there is also the fact that i need my desk placed at the perfect place!

I moved a table at the Top Radio studios from where it was to another spot, and now i feel i can write a letter to Santa, you and everyone else in between!
But let this not be the storm before the calm o!

So knock on wood, i am back!
Forgive that i was gone so long, some things could not be said
Forgive that i ignored you, some thoughts could not be s.h.a.r.ed
But back i am!

Lets make the last days count!

Friday, 27 November 2009

Reconciliation

So we're talking again
We're laughing like before
So much to talk about, so much to say
Again you're on my mind, and it seems I'm on yours
And here we are, holding hands
We inch in closer and closer to each other
We kiss. Lightly. Then deeper. And deeper
Those old feelings. The longing. They all come rushing back
Your body feels as wonderful as it used to
Touching you. Making you make those sounds
You making me make those sounds
Oh yeah! the passion is still there
We fall asleep in each others' arms
Wake to start all over again.
In the morning we both wake smiling, still cuddling
We get up and go make breakfast. Still talking. Still laughing.
I go to take a shower. You join me :)
I leave you smiling.
How could I not after that wonderful kiss goodbye


I get home. But the feeling doesnt last
We've been here before, and I know how this goes
I'm trying to live in the moment and enjoy this
But I know its just a show and the real you is waiting
So what do I do? Whats my next step?
Do I end this now? Or enjoy every single moment?
Oh fuck it!
Make up sex is the shit anyway.......

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Dial My Number

I wish you would call.
I know I said I never wanted to see you again.
I know I deliberately cut you out my life
But I wish you would miss me
I wish you would damn the consequences and call me
I wish I were on your mind as you so obviously are on mine
Yeah yeah I know I said I wanted you gone
I still do, but I wish you'd try to change my mind
I want you, want you really bad
Want you out of my head, but here with me
Want to hear your voice and see your face
I really really wish you would call

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Pity Party

I dumped you, so you called all your guys
showed them all my love notes and letters
Big pity party !
How about if i call my girls
And tell them about your understanding of kissing
Did i say kissing ? more like face rape !
With you the tongue is a weapon of mass destruction !
The way you think the breast is a mountain you have to climb
The way you think the g spot is an holy grail you can never find !
Dude , lots of guys find it !
It's just 2 inches from where you think it is !
How you turned Marathons into sprint
Am lucky if i get 2 minutes
I deserve an Oscar for my moans !
And you wonder why i dumped you !
I should call my girls
Time for a big pity party !

Thursday, 12 November 2009

So you dumped me for a super sized me?
I mean come on!

Sunday, 18 October 2009

ON THE 7TH DAY ...........

Met boy on the first day
Kissed on the second day
Went third base on the third day
Met his friends on the fourth day
Said i love you on the fifth day
Went all the way on the sixth day
Got dumped on the seventh day !

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

SICKO !

So i dumped you
Big deal !
Get a life
And stop driving in front of my house every day with your new tacky girlfriend !

Monday, 5 October 2009

AM NOT LEAVING !

So you think it is over,thinking we should say goodbye ? am standing here, staring at you.
watching your mouth move without hearing your voice.
'Cause my heart already told me what you are trying to say.
But....am not leaving
Not ready to move on
See,my heart is still in your hands
So am not going.
Am going to wear my hair the way you like it
Am going back to dressing the way you love.
Cause i know you think i have changed, but you have changed too.
We both started changing,when we stopped talking
Then we started taking each other for granted.
When you stop loving someone where does the love go?
I still want to walk the path of love with you.
So,am not going to leave
How can i let go of that smile
Your warm breath on my neck
Your middle finger tracing my lips
The way you laugh without care
Oh, the way your eyes lights up when you smile
Your silence when you are angry
See, i can't let you go
We are both walking the path, we don't understand
Let us move away from the side road
And find heaven again
I need you to fall back in love with me
Plan your life around me again
I want to see the passion in your eyes again
Watch you laugh with your eyes when you see me
I want to feel your heart beat faster when you hold me
Hear you say you love me again
Hold me tight and let not let me go
THEN I CAN LEAVE AND BREAK YOUR HEART BACK

Not Mr Right 2

Everything that's been done points to the fact that you're a user. Everything that's been suggests that you're a pig. And yet i foolishly believed. That somewhere, somehow you are true. Unfortunately, as had happened before you were an ass. Made a complete fool of me and then ask "what?". I slink home with my head down wondering how it was i got into this same mess again.

Why do i always do this? Do i enjoy the toture? Revel in the pain? Adore the absolute humiliation of it all? I dont know. I want to though. Want to understand what hold it is i have allowed you to have over me? I gotta get through this. Need to break free. Walk away. Head high

NOT MR RIGHT (PART 2)

Listen......
He wants love
She is sooo in lust
He wrote poems
She sends naughty texts
He wants to gaze into her eyes
She wants him to penetrate her
While love grows
Lust fire died
He said she is a bitch , she broke his heart
She said he is a stud, the best she ever had !

Saturday, 3 October 2009

NOT MR RIGHT .

Don't get it twisted
This was not meant to last
You got yours , i got mine
You want love , i want lust
Walking away is the only option

NOT WHAT YOU THINK !

I still have your picture as my screen saver
Our music is still my ring tone
Your picture is still on my bedside
No ! am over you
I just want a reminder
Never to date a man like you again !

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

You

I'm with another. And yet you remain in my thoughts.
I'm with another. And yet it is you who i want to call when i pick up the phone.
I'm with another. And yet it is your face i look for in the crowd.
I'm with another. And so are you.

Friday, 25 September 2009

WHY DO I ?

All my friends said you are not good for me, they said it's for the best.
So why do i keep on coming back to you ?
Sneaking and gaming
Lies and half-truths
Maybe you did not break my heart enough the first time
Maybe you need to smash it before i accept you are toxic
How did a fling turn into a major love affair ?
God ! i just want to get over you.

SAME GIRL !

Our Place !
Our Song !
Our Dance !
Can't believe you took the woman you left me for to our favourite restaurant,
listening to our favourite song and dancing with her the way you danced with me.
Snap ! leap of joy ! you're missing me !
You wish your new chick is me !

Saturday, 29 August 2009

I will not break up with you
Push me, Pull me, Tease me

Saturday, 8 August 2009

the beginning of perturbation

Here's what i don't get
She didn't love you... She didn't want you...
So you got her a ring

what are we doing? where are we going?

Should you ever ask a guy where you are headed? Is it ever appropriate?
Cos there is a school of thought that says, if you have to ask, the answer is the negative.
Then there are those who think you should know cos being in a relationship is an investment.

There is something about asking that makes you seem desperate.


Friday, 26 June 2009

MJ

the man taught me to dance without knowing it is gone. cant believe it. and there is noone here for me to talk. about time i moved on. about time i forgot. let his death be the death of my missing her. of my idiotic grieving. no more walking around, doing what i have to with no feelings no emotions.

thanks MJ in your death i have been brought back to life

Monday, 15 June 2009

L.O.V.E

They call it falling in love
Cos you always get hurt

Its hard to be rational
When you heart is hurting
Sometimes it feels physical
And burns through your soul

Some lie in bed
Others have to react
Some keep talking
Others just stay walking

It is a stand you both take
And one way or the other
Someones going to have to blink

You snooze
You lose

Look who's crying now

Monday, 25 May 2009

First Edition of VENUS s.h.a.r.e


s.h.a.r.e Media Entertainment and Networking, a company dedicated to giving the young Nigerian adult avenues and opportunities to express themselves while networking and making new friends and contacts, through its own events, or via partnerships with like-minded companies and projects, has announced that the first edition of VENUS s.h.a.r.e, a quarterly hang-out for women only, will hold this June, on the 6th, at Swe Bar, City Mall, Onikan.


VENUS s.h.a.r.e aims to give women an opportunity to hang out in a social environment, while networking with a view at making valuable professional contacts, as well as sharing opinions and experiences as women in work places, while also getting access to services and products that are specifically targeted at women.

There will also be one (un)lucky male guest who will be put on the hot seat to answer all questions posed by the women!

Sounds interesting? Well, even more so when one realises this is done over food, drinks, light entertainment and great conversation, all provided by women!

Billed to hold every quarter, this first one is proudly supported by Swe Bar, H2H Magazine, and Rise Networks, and is expected to start at 12pm on Saturday, the 6th of June.

Please send a text to 08023066252 for Registeration Details.

http://www.sharevenus.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Moving On

Do they talk about me? Does he tell her about me? Does she even want to know?
And when they kiss, does she kiss like me? Or better?
Will he make her happy? Will she make him happier than i made him?
Is she better than me?

Does he think about me?
Does he still hate me?
Does he miss me?
Does he wonder if i miss him, hate him, love him, miss him?

Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Call a Dog a Bad Name to Hang It

I don't know if i was truly thinking forever. It was a nice comfortable relationship. We spoke daily, had a few laughs, saw a movie or two, and made out a lot.
Maybe i saw myself being comfortable with that, inspite of the things that worried me. But it was a relationship, and i was enjoying it. Till we started getting to the period when it all crumbled. I could feel it i guess; the pulling away. And maybe i should have acted first or faster. But i didn't.
But here is the thing.

Why give a dog a bad name so you can hang it?

You wanted to break up with me. You were done and ready to quit. It might have been better to try to work it out, but babes, we were not married and i could not hold you down. So why didn't you just break up with me?
Why did you choose to play mind games instead? Staying away, Making me think i was paranoid, Not taking my calls... Being a jerk!
Then you have the audacity to say you didn't like my friends, my taste in music, nor anything about me?
You said you saw traits in me that worried you? That i reminded you of your exes?
You even started getting me to believe i was mad, bad and sad.

Dude, if you wanted out, why didn't you just say so?

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

That Day

Friday night. Was at the club with friends, talking, laughing it up. Getting our weekend off to a good start. Griping about the stress of the week past and looking forward to the 2 day break from the daily grind.

Then I heard her. I'd made a joke fully expecting it to fully expecting it to fall flat.....not everyone gets my jokes :( ......but someone laughed. I turned around to see who my new best friend was and saw her. I smiled. Said something that must have been just as witty because she laughed again. .....and then she replied with a witty quip of her own. From that moment on, I was gone. We talked and laughed the rest of the night. We ditched our friends and went clubbing together. Found out she was an awesome dancer. I took her back to her place in the wee hours of Saturday morning. Drove home with a huge stupid grin on my face, wondering if she would think I was a stalker if I called her back now......

It took me almost a year of toasting, psyching, begging, sitting downstairs in the car waiting for her friends to finish analyzing me so we could go out, frequent visits to Chocolat Royale, Silverbird. Yes, it was hard but nothing good comes easy right? So she finally agreed. And it was bliss. Utter bliss. The best years of my life. Until I caught her that is......

Sunday, 15 March 2009

Da-Ddy

Boy likes skin on skin
Said he likes the way it felt when he put it in
Girl gets pregnant and calls silly cow
But silly cow acts true to type, asking 'HOW?'
How?
You like skin to skin
You like the way it feels when you put it in
So please be ready when baby calls you da-ddy

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Poetry!

I wrote great poetry for you
I wrote then, and sent them as an sms
Then you threw a Pity Party and showed it to all your friends
Hate you for that, dat no be lie
You threw a Pity Party and showed your friends my very private poetry!

Monday, 2 March 2009

The First Fight

They say the first fight can make or break a relationship
At the least, it can determine how other fights will go.
They also say a man will treat you like he treats his mother
But that is another post entirely!

Our first fight began as my fault; i was testing to see how far i could take my sulking. Not far it seemed.
But his reaction?
Scared me to no end!
No, Tomiwa was NEVER physically abusive. I doubt he would ever have been, even if we got married and had mini-TomTos babies! But emotionally?
Wow
Tomiwa was the King of the Freeze Out!

When you upset him, you became non-existent. And for me, whose world centred on being happy and calm?
It killed me!
Plus, to make it worse, he didn't come for my first exhibition in a long while. Even though he had been there through every worry and every practise!
He just didn't come!

I should have known there that it wouldn't work. That's now how i fight. And that style would have killed me...


Oh wait
It sort of did
When we did break up

Thursday, 26 February 2009

I Won't Lie To My Son

Mothers should not lie to their sons. Because you then give them an overinflated sense of self!

I got pregnant and my ex said i was trying to trap him.

Abeg, judge oh...

He lives with his parents and is currently between jobs.
I work in a bank, live on my own, and my ex before him is a doctor who got an offer to work in Saudi. That was why we broke up, but we are back again in any case!

I just hope he does not start bugging me when the baby comes, or, God forbid, the baby, when he has become a success at whatever he does in future!

My Guy

Love is a game, and the winner is determined by who breaks up first.
Yes oh, and don’t get it twisted. It is not neccessarily the person who said the words first that broke up first oh! Like in my case. I said the words. But he meant them. Infact, the game was well played; you should have seen how well he played his cards and boxed me in a corner, till i gave in and said them! And then, even after that, he gave a stellar performance (oscar deserving). He convinced me that i had blindsided him and he did not see it coming. Then he convinced my friends that he still felt the same and we would get back together. Then he came over and dealt things the final blow.
Wow!

And still, he would look me in the eye and tell me he never meant to hurt me; even when he was hurting me.
My guy, ure either very clueless, or very callous.

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Finding the One

Now that I have your attention, I must confess: this post does NOT tell you how to find that ONE. Rather, if anything, you will learn things NOT to do in the quest of this fabled ONE. I am looking for sympathy, quite shamelessly too. Because my God, it just hurts. It hurts really really bad. But everyone says that its not supposed to hurt. I am expected to brush it off and keep going. .....you know, cuz i'm the guy. But really, what does my being male have to do with anything? Being cheated on by the one you'd built your future around hurts regardless of gender. All I really want is for someone to understand.

Yeah, maybe I'm not crying my eyes out and refusing to get out of bed. Neither am I driving past her house if only to catch a glimpse........no, on a whole I am handling things quite well thank you. So far, I have resisted the urge to slash her tires, send threatening texts, have her beaten up, breaking her windscreen, sending our nude pictures and lil videos to her fragile ninety-year old grandmother.........Yep yep I'm doing juuuuust fine. Juuuuust fine.........

Chocolates and Ice Cream, Cigarettes and Alcohol...I'll get over you!

I had become smug I suppose.

Not about being IN love, but smug that I knew the secret to getting over heartbreak.
I had not set out to deliberately get my heart broken (or in some cases, shattered) the number of times it had been broken. It just happened. I guess with the cards life deals us, I got the ‘na├»ve romantic head in the clouds girl’ card. The one that takes you on a journey as you literally and figuratively, try to find Prince Charming, as you hold out for the One. Maybe some other people with that card find the One. I found one, and another, and then another, but sadly, never THE ONE.
And in my quest to find this One, I had to sacrifice my heart.

First it was to that boy in the carpark (please get your minds out of the gutter). Then it was to that Adonis. Then to the dancer. Then to the cute one. Then to the club guy. Then to the… Yikes, it is a long list, may I just skip to the story?
With each one, there was a different level of heartache and destabilisation. And with each, I developed a variant of a formula- music, substance abuse, hate, indifference, eureka!
Music wise, I have been largely helped by Seal, and Tupac, and Alanis Morisette, and in more recent times, Colbie Caillat. With Substances, it has usually been either alcohol or cigarettes, but with Adonis 2, I added prescription meds to the cocktail. Hate was easy, Indifference harder, but eventually, I found it. And I was fine.
So I knew the rules, and the steps. No man was going to make me hurt for too long again. Besides, by Adonis 2, I had another weapon- prayer.

But when this dude showed up with his duffel bag and smile, all those rules disappeared, and what I then had was the process of re-learning! I was no better than a new born baby trying to crawl, then walk, and possibly run. I either forgot the steps, or could not apply them; could not move!
The only thing I could do, was pray, and pray feverishly. And then type. And type furiously!

THINGS WE LOST IN THE FIRE

1. My reputation
2. Friendship
3. Work
4. Mutual Friends
5. Peace
6. Sanity
7. Power
8. Trust
9. Junior


People say 'Get Over Him'
Poor guy, he even thinks this is about him

I am over him
Emotionally
Physically
Psychologically

Unfortunately, we lost things in the fire.
And i am not over them.
That's what this is about

Not about Tomiwa

m'cO DFGRYHWEJKFKL

Im still crying.
Look at me, im crying now.
Cos i spoke with his friend.
My friend.
A Mutual friend.

You know what ticks me off?
Everyone takes sides.
Even when they say they don't. Cos it's human.
You either believe the one you like more, or the one who brings more into your life.
So our mutual friends? They have all taken sides. And i hate that they don't even bother to HEAR both sides!
I don't care if you ask him what happened! ASK HIM!
I want him to tell you. But why can't you bloody ask me as well instead of working on the information you have
Cos there's always three sides to a story mehn
My side
His side
And the truth!

That's how it works. COs everytime a story is told, it is given a twist to suit the narrator!

How can two months ruin so much?
Friends have to take sides
People i respect won't even say hi (and i don't even want to say hi to them)
Personally, i learnt a lot more than i would have loved to!
It is like my 2007 does not matter any longer!
It does not matter that i threw a fashion show and created awareness for sickle-cell
It does not matter that i worked on AMBO and the APPRENTICE, and MTN GAMESHOW
It does not matter that i wrote and blogged and recorded, and was alive.
ALL that matters are those two months where i allowed myself to fall again!

I was done with love oh. I has wisened up and knew what to do.
But i believed him, for reasons best known to both of us, or maybe just to me. Believed him completely!
And now, it's over cos we both couldn't make it work. But it had to go and get complicated

Hey!
Now, he even gets to hit on my friends and laugh with them.

Monday, 23 February 2009

My boyfriend went to Spain, and all he got me was an std

Some get memorabilia

I didn't.



He travelled for a month, and brought me back a gift. I had never had one, not even as i grew up, not even in boarding house, not even during camp. Then he travels, we boink, and voila! Happy Birthday! Vals Day! Christmas! WHatever Occasion fits the bill!



Bastard

Sunday, 22 February 2009

I knew

It was on January 2nd that i knew.

We had hung out the night before at a club. His idea. I wanted to go to church. But he didn't do church back then. So i went to church. And throughout the sermon and through all the prayers, my thoughts went to him. I prayed fervently and desperately.
I guess i knew before then then.
We usually always know, we can feel them slip away. When four times a day turns to one, and maybe another reluctant one. When the kisses dont feel the same, and when you hug them, the distance seems worse!
I knew. But i was being stubborn.
It was partly because i was just plain tired of broken hearts and relationships. Why couldn't i be one of them? With the courtships that lead to long term relationships in form of marriages or at least, full term commitment? Why do my relationships always have to end?
It was also personal. I was being too stubborn to accept that this guy could like me for three years and then throw it away in two. It hurt my ego to no end; that i could only be liked from afar.
So instead of breaking up before i was broken up with, and instead of a confrontation, i went to church and prayed fervently.
Then i went to the club and hung out with him. And felt maybe i was wrong.
Cos under the influence, he was that boy i fell for again.

Crazy, Caring, and There! In every sense of it!
But the grouch returned in the morning.
Yes, he would claim he is naturally grouchy. But he had not been since we began dating. So i went back to feeling it. Especially as, as the alcohol wore off, so did the p.d.a's
He wouldn't even hug or wave me goodbye!

And there i was on January 2nd.
My glasses broke the night before so moving around was impossible. I sat on the couch and tried to watch television. And tried not to stare at my phone every second.
But he never called.
So i knew.
Cos, what kind of boyfriend doesn't call you on January 2nd just to say hello?
And doesn't find out how you are coping without your glasses?
And doesn't want to see you when you guys stay five minutes away, and you will be travelling tomorrow?
Just doesn't care apparently.
I called him, and we had one of our conversations.
The ones that you guys have worked on so well that you can have even if you are having sex with someone else!

Oh yes i knew.
But knowing is a bitch