Chocolates and Ice Cream, Cigarettes and Alcohol...I'll get over you!

I had become smug I suppose.

Not about being IN love, but smug that I knew the secret to getting over heartbreak.
I had not set out to deliberately get my heart broken (or in some cases, shattered) the number of times it had been broken. It just happened. I guess with the cards life deals us, I got the ‘naïve romantic head in the clouds girl’ card. The one that takes you on a journey as you literally and figuratively, try to find Prince Charming, as you hold out for the One. Maybe some other people with that card find the One. I found one, and another, and then another, but sadly, never THE ONE.
And in my quest to find this One, I had to sacrifice my heart.

First it was to that boy in the carpark (please get your minds out of the gutter). Then it was to that Adonis. Then to the dancer. Then to the cute one. Then to the club guy. Then to the… Yikes, it is a long list, may I just skip to the story?
With each one, there was a different level of heartache and destabilisation. And with each, I developed a variant of a formula- music, substance abuse, hate, indifference, eureka!
Music wise, I have been largely helped by Seal, and Tupac, and Alanis Morisette, and in more recent times, Colbie Caillat. With Substances, it has usually been either alcohol or cigarettes, but with Adonis 2, I added prescription meds to the cocktail. Hate was easy, Indifference harder, but eventually, I found it. And I was fine.
So I knew the rules, and the steps. No man was going to make me hurt for too long again. Besides, by Adonis 2, I had another weapon- prayer.

But when this dude showed up with his duffel bag and smile, all those rules disappeared, and what I then had was the process of re-learning! I was no better than a new born baby trying to crawl, then walk, and possibly run. I either forgot the steps, or could not apply them; could not move!
The only thing I could do, was pray, and pray feverishly. And then type. And type furiously!